Marriages in Crisis

Are You Divorced?

The Church does not condemn divorce.  We realize that there are valid reasons why a couple can no longer live with eath other.  You are still welcome to receive the sacraments.  The only time a person may not receive the sacraments is if, after the divorce, the person remarries without the benefit of an annulment.

The Church has a Tribunal, which will help a divorced person come to an understanding of whether or not their marriage is valid.  Some reasons that may be uncovered by the persons in the Tribunal are that at the time of the marriage you did not realize that the person you were marrying had mental or physical problems which prevented a free choice to engage in a marriage until death do you part.  Some of these may be physical or mental abuse, alcoholism, drug addiction, immaturity, family baggage, a decision not to have children or even a decision that if the marriage didn't work out they could end it with divorce. 

There is a saying that "love is blind."  Science has discovered a chemical in the brain that is activated when a person "falls in love."  This chemical is so powerful that many people think they are in love and that it will be like this forever.  They overlook flaws in each other, or think that with their love they can change the person after marriage or they do not even see the flaws, therefore, love is blind.  The brain cannot tolerate this powerful chemical for too long and when it fades, people can see all the reasons why they should not have married this person.

If the person has entered into a marriage with eyes wide open, have adequate time to get to know the person they are marrying, and have had adequate pre-marriage preparation, they will be able to accept the flaws in each other, knowing that no one is perfect.  The grace received at the time of a valad marriage will help both parties accept each other and love will grow even when the chemical has dissipated.

Annulments are not Catholic divorces.  An annulment states that at the time of marriage there were reaonss why the marriage could not be sacramental marriage and, therefore, was not valid.  The marriage was a civil marriage, but not a sacramental marriage, therefore, any children from the marriage are ligitimate. 

Another misconception is that the annulment is very expensive.  In the Diocese of Gaylord and in many other dioceses, there is no charge at all.  The Church wants you to be reconciled and to be able to be nourished by the sacraments.  Some people think that the process invades their privacy and do not want to participate in the process.  The persons in the Tribunal have to inquire into what you might think is an invasion of your privacy, but you must remember they have to determine whether or not your marriage was valid and, therefore, have to ask questions which might be uncomfortable for you to answer.  The process also has to rely on statements of witnesses who knew you at the time of your marriage.

In conclusion, remember divorce is not a reason to stay away from receiving the sacraments.  The only divorced people who cannot receive the sacraments are those who have been divorced and have remarried without an annulment.  Please make an appointment with your parish priest or administrator as soon as possible.

Resources

Catholic Human Services Marriage Counseling